Tuesday, March 29, 2005
yesterday was fun, kwizna kermh n watched tv all day.. sampe malem.. hehehhehe *disogok McD n ice cream* hauaehuahueea MAKASI YAAAA.. twas fun.. heh heh kapan2 lagi yuuuuks!!! *wink wink*
trus.. skip programming gara2 flu menggila.. duuh gak sembuh2 deh.. pasti besok dimarain madamme..
duh bingung mau nulis apa.. sekarang lagi maenan doodles ama kwizna.. hehehhehe he draw me a pic.. kaya gambar anak TK.. hehehheh udah akh mau maen ehh ngetik progreming hehehhehe peace outtt
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go away lil boy
go away lil boy
i'm not supposed to be alone with you..
when you're near me like this
you're much too hard to resist
so go away lil boy
before i beg you to staythe problem is.. i'm not sure if i want him to leave..
stopped scribbling at 9:19 PM
++ kangeun....++
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Sunday, March 27, 2005
Sunday, March 27
Just got home from Surabaya. Had a pretty good time, too bad akhir2 ini lagi ga enak bdn mulu, n radang tenggorokan *kalap liat eskrim..*
Di Surabaya nengokin Mbak Santi n anaknya, Raja. Big name fer a widdle baybee. Trus dah menunaikan tugas nemenin Tante Susi di RS Darmo for Colonoscopy. Trus ketemuan sama Angga, he took me to dinner at De Boliva (? As usual, I forgot names..) a great ice cream parlor. I had a bowl of Moccha Ice Cream with Baileys n wafer on top, ordered BBQ flava fries (they ran outta nachos..) and Strawberry Margarita. Yumm.
To Mario : Thankyou so much for all d attention.. calling me all d way from USA, 8am on Sunday!!! Man… thanks a bunch for ur support..
To Vivi : eh jangan sembarangan ngatain mamiku hantu!!! *huhuhu doi lebih mengerikan lagi dari hehantuan.. (^_^’)
To Rina : welkom tu de klub ! hehehhe mentang2 dah jadi pengangguran, makanya sempet maenan blog yah sekarang? Hehehhehe WOYY BANTUIN DONGGGG PROGREMINGGG!!!!!! *and YES, bey kangen banana soooo much*
To Secar : hp keren, Treo.. tapi percuma kalo cuma dipake sms ma talipun doang… heuhuheuhe.. mari sini lemme take a look n we’ll work sumtin out wit ur Agile.
To mas Dana : MAKASIH BANYAK web addy-nya … Alhamdulillah … hehehe lagi dong mas.. (^o^)v
To Krishna : GA BISA ONLIIIIINE.. GAK PUNYA PULSAAAAA hueeeee…
To Adit : congrats for conquering those Prague chicks. Mission’s accomplished.
HOME SWEET HOME. Back to Jakarta, back to reality. *sigh*
…One cold nite in March…
My body n my mind are all messed up lately. Life’s been playin’ some nasty tricks on me. Just when I thought I’m about to hit rock bottom n couldn’t sink any lower than that, I slipped n continue falling. They say what doesn’t kill you would only make you stronger. They never mention d other possibilities, like: to spend d rest of your miserable life in a loony bin, talking to yourself, wishing you were dead instead.
There’s always a catch. *grunt*
The accompanying went well. I didn’t mess up, so I thought I’d make it thru d day all happy n safe, but noooo. Met Ms.Boss, I spontaneously smiled at her, but she didn’t even bother to lift d corner of her mouth so I turned away thinking “WOW, if looks could kill, I’d be dead by now”. I tried to focused on other things n tried not to think about it coz it would definitely affect my play.
Then there was d teacher-slash-PSYCHOlogist, who usually quite nice, but after d “private meeting” *cough*ambush!*cough* where she *purposely* falsely analyze me, she looked pass me like I no longer exist.
I never told anyone about this: I never feel that I belong in the school, as a fellow teacher. I mean, I love d school; I grew up there n it shaped me into who I am today, but ever since I work there, I felt like an outsider trying to fit in. I tried volunteering on events, helped as much as I could on things n stuffs, n I really enjoyed it. But now I realized that all d work I’ve done went unnoticed n unappreciated.
I missed my teacher. I missed coming to school n just play my repertoires n enjoying every second I spent, doing what I love most. Now I couldn’t even force myself to play d goddamn thing. My fingers still work properly but my heart went numb n my head hurts, it’s just plain sad.
I couldn’t talk about this to my friends. They all assumed that I got carried away with the whole thing. It’s only a job. They don’t know how much it has become a huge part of my life. I’m not even sure my parents know about d things I’ve mentioned earlier. The only person who knows is Rifi, n right now he’s busy with his own life, so I think I’ll just have to act tough, n deal with it myself.
*wipe face*
Now… what’s on tonite’s playlist? here’s some of them :
- BoyzIIMen, “Never go away”, live, acoustic version – mesmerizing.
- David Benoit, “Reflections” - d flute add some dramatic touch to this tune.
- David Benoit, “One dream at a time” – my favorite. Its like one of those “Peter Pan song”, u know, d one that make u wish u were 5 again and refuse to grow old.
- David Foster, “Water fountain” – depressingly suicidal. What was I thinking when I added it on my playlist??
- Sakamoto Maaya, 1st track – the opening theme song of an anime called “Vision of Escaflowne”, plays on Animax.
- Sakamoto Maaya, “Tomodachi” – also a soundtrack from “Vision of Escaflowne”
- Sakamoto Maaya, “Gift” – the closing theme song of an anime called “Clamp School Detectives”
- Sakamoto Maaya, 11th track – one of the soundtracks of an anime from Clamp, called “Cardcaptor Sakura”
*Bisa diambil kesimpulan kalo orang ini spesialis nyanyiin soundtrack2 anime*
(Oh n btw I also love her 6th-10th tracks from the HotchPotch(?) album. It gets under my skin after quite some time now).
And then there’s :
- Secret Garden, “Poeme” – makes a good company when I was trapped for 8 hours in one of Gulf Air’s plane, flying across desert.
- Skunk Anansie’ “Secretly” – there were couple of times I found myself relate to this song..
And the winner of today’s “exit song” is… a song from the movie “Manhattan”. It’s no other than Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue”, played by Andre Previn –on piano- and the London Symphony Orchestra. Perfect.
Nites, everybody.
*light’s off*
stopped scribbling at 9:47 PM
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Strawberry Margarita and Moccha Ice Cream with loads of Baileys n 2 sticks of wafer *ate 1 of 'em*. YUMMMM...
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me n my fave couch. Perfect for nap, study, read, eat, cuddle up wit boyf *OOoops* .. ~Andai sofa ini bisa ngomong... MATILAH GUE!! hauehuaheuahe *blink blink* :D
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/me and baby Raja. that's one helluva FAT baby.. n he's only 6 months old.. (^_^')v
stopped scribbling at 8:33 AM
Monday, March 21, 2005
I saw the light - Todd Rundgren
It was late last night
I was feeling something wasn't right
There was not another soul in sight
Only you, only you..
So we walked along,
though I knew that there was something wrong
And the feeling, it feels so strong about you
Then you gazed up at me and the answer was plain to see
'Cause I saw the light in your eyes
Though we had our fling
I just never would suspect a thing
'Til that little bell began to ring in my head
In my head..
But I tried to run,
though I knew it wouldn't help me none
'Cause I couldn't ever love no one, or so I said
But my feelings for you
were just something I never knew
'Til I saw the light in your eyes
But I love you best
It's not something that I say in jest (ha ha)
'Cause you're different, girl, from all the rest, in my eyes..
And I ran out before but I won't do it anymore
Can't you see the light in my eyes
*thanks dah di dl-in ya na! acikacikacik*
stopped scribbling at 12:40 AM
Friday, March 18, 2005
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED. *yawn*
i'm at Krishna's, saving tons of articles n pics of hospitals (Women's, Children's, both, even the Ambulatory Care n ERs) for my programming assignment.
to everybody who read this, puh-leeeease kalo tau web bagus ttg healthcare facilities, terutama yg designed based on Eco-Tech Architecture, mbok ya saya dikasih info.. entah Url, web-addy, sukur2 gue dibeliin bukunya. just bought a book called KIDS SPACES at ak'sa'ra bookstore, cost me 509.000rp.. jadi i am broke til d end of this month. at least.
shout out time!!! *emang sejak kapan ada shout out time?? huhuhu*
buat Secar.. HAPPY BDAY my widdle hobbit fwend.. i love u!!!
buat Vivi n Rina n Ieyan n Helmi n anak2 TA yg kemaren lulus, AYOOOOO GANTIANNN BANTUIN GUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
last but not least, buat Krishna, makasi rotinyaaaa.. hauehuaheuaheuauehaueh *tumben2an lo mau bikinin makanan buat gue...*
pokonya, guys, wish me luck programming ini ya. smoga ini yg TERAKHIR KALI. Amin.
stopped scribbling at 3:27 AM
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Bubble full of rainbows – nikka costa
Things that tremble tingle like a bubble full of rainbows then... crack
Sizzle sing and whisper when the shadows lace the moonlight with black
Things that crowd on climb in creep in vines in windows wind in with
Waving wispy willow wings and breathe of wines in summertime... dreams
Things that glow and glisten, eyes of children when they listen then... burst
Things that touch the wistful wish of watching someone else succeed first
Days that dingle dangle with a million parts untangle to
Satin stars that spangle and those sudden bells that clanged out... dreams
I'm talkin' of daydreams
Chocolates and ice cream
Then I tremble tingle like a bubble full of rainbows and pop
Scatter splitter splatter and I'm sailing on a cloud that won't stop
Galloping and gliding on a prism we come riding and
Sometimes half-colliding with the dragon who is flying below
I'm talking of daydreams
Chocolates and ice creams
Then I tremble tingle like a bubble full of rainbows and pop
Scatter splitter splatter and I'm sailing on a cloud that won't stop
Galloping and gliding on a prism we come riding and
Sometimes half-colliding with the dragon who is flying and
I can tremble tingle like a bubble full of rainbows light
Something came to shake me came to take me to awake me tonighttaken from d movie.. Willy Wonka (and the chocolate factory??) .. i forgot.. its an ooooold movie. Saw it +/- 15yrs ago.. Sung by lil Nikka Costa.
stopped scribbling at 11:51 AM
Friday, March 11, 2005
TOTALLY UNEXPECTED.
I was preparing my breakfast-slash-lunch, took a bottle of Sprite outta d fridge n walked up d stairs to my livingroom when there he was, standing right before me, n I was like AWMAGAWD!!!! *blink blink* *stupid look* *smiling widely* *malu pastinya, jam 1 belom mandi dengan tampang gak layak tayang*.. ada RIFI!!! Heheheheheheh saya senang sekali…
I showered n after goofing around fer quite some time *heheheheh* we went to his house to pick up his mom, bro n his bro’s girlf (we used dad’s jeep), headed to ITC Fatmawati 2 look 4 new glasses 4 him n his bro n then had lunch @A&W before going back to his house. I had a really good time with them today. Feels like I’m traveling back in time, only now’s better coz I’m having a better relationship with his mom *grin*
Back to my house, nemenin Rifi watched dvd (Soul Plane), ordered regular pan pizza 4 him n fettuccini 4 me *he ate the whole pan. I’m stuffed just by watching him eat.*
Abis makan dia dah ngantuk n males ngapa2in *emang mau ngapain? Heheheh* but we finally managed to work things out a bit *YEAHH BABYY!!*
He’s going back to Bali tomorrow, taking d earliest flight, 7am, coz he have to be at his office by 10am. I wont be able to go with him 2 d airport, I promised Osy I’d rehearse with his violin students *sigh*… but I’ll try not to get too disappointed, coz I actually got what I wished for last nite (to have him here beside me n help me get some peace of mind..) so I guess I should be grateful for that. ALHAMDULILLAH… \(-_-)/
I haven’t had a great time like this for quite some time..
----------------------------------------------------------------
Let life toss me around
I’ll fall with both feet on the ground
And smile though my whole world is upside down
I’ll win each race I start
I’ll fight the strongest heart
I’ll shine and light the dark
But there’s no way my day could start without you----------------------------------------------------------------
Sun is setting fire to the sky tonight
Lucky are the ones who are not alone
Lovely boy walked me home from the bar tonight
I love his smile
when he plays the guitar
I’m saying;
Play me the song that your father taught you
Fill me with peace
Because I need it bad
oh, wonderful sunset strikes me deaf and blind
And I’m so relieved; there’s a life after him.-----------------------------------------------------------------
okay okay i know these songs are a bit contradictive, but that's exactly what i -sometimes- feel. And both were really great tunes, one from lil Nikka Costa, n the other one are from D'Sound. Highly recommended.
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meet the new architects from Trisakti-Architecture!!! CONGRATULATION, GUYS!!!! *hugs*
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++ sisterhood. greatest friends. ++
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++ six outta eleven ++
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++ five outta eleven ++
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i got this from Avin. isinya anak2 PSMUT yg ikut ambil bagian pas acara Hollywood Highlights kemaren. ada saya lhoooo!!! tebak yg mana hayoooo???
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Arief Yanindra Pohan. MINE. Heheheh.. (^o^)v
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Thursday, March 10, 2005
i'm having trouble bloggin from home lately. d connection is a major pain in d u-know-where.
these past few days were pure hell for me. i felt mistreated, misjudged, misunderstood, backstabbed, but most of all, SAD n disappointed. they caught me off-guard n i'm so flabbergasted n taken aback i got speechless n couldn't defend myself.
to Mario, u asked me, kenapa gue mau resign? gue terus terang agak berat buat cerita ke elo, karena gue belom tau, sebagai sesama alumni, if i can trust u as a friend buat dicurhatin or not.. i'm sure you're a really great guy, n i really wanna share it with you, and ask for your opinion as friends. if u can keep this to yourself, i'll be gladly to wrote u an email n share what i've been through.
if u really wanna know purely karena you CARE, as a friend, then post me your email addy, n i'll wrote u back.
meanwhile, gue lagi banyak2 konsultasi sama my handsome legal consultants aka rifi's brothers *hey they're my legal consultants n they're handsome, i'm just writing facts here* dan mereka (+ mom, thx to rifi yg secretly called my house n talked to my mom.. duh..) bilang supaya jgn resign dulu, do your best in handling this situation, n kalo semua effort gue ga dihargain, baru come up with legal action.
i love my school so much, n everyone who knows me real well would say the same thing. i know my teacher ga sembarangan pas memutuskan buat milih gue sebagai murid yg dikasi full sponsorship to teach there *n gue juga baru tau recently kalo he did such a wonderful thing, jadi it kinda hurts kalo mereka bilang mentang2 gue anak kesayangan guru gw aka the headmaster, jadi gue bisa ngapa2in n get away with it. i NEVER consider myself as 'anak kesayangan'. NEVER.* jadi gue sedih banget when they talked on his behalf, when they says pretty mean things. He passed away last year, for God's sake. dont talk on his behalf, you dont know what he would say or feel or think. talk for yourself.
well i gotta get back to work on things. thanks for all your caring support guys..
oh n buat vivi rina ieyan helmi arie charlie uli dkk, congratulation!!! so sorry i couldnt make it ke pengumuman lulus2an... i am so happy for you *hugs*
stopped scribbling at 11:46 AM
Monday, March 07, 2005
the time has come. i have to resign. Maaf ya, my beloved teacher, RL, for letting you down... i, am very sorry..
stopped scribbling at 12:37 AM
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