Thursday, February 21, 2008
miss you Kai
Happy birthday to Tante Datie (Krishna’s mom) and mbak Tika (his sister who had her birthday last weekend). Best wishes for you both!
I miss my grandpa. I know it sounds ridiculous cos he died when I was only 5yo n there usually isn’t much to remember with me being a toddler but I feel like I am really, really close to him. Even as toddler I can tell that we have this bond that’ll last. We had this photo album of him that I used to look at whenever I miss him but I don’t know where it is now. There was this picture of him n my grandma in their early 20s, and boy were they gorgeous. A perfect couple. They looked like old Hollywood movie stars form the 50s, but with a slightly Japanese face (I don’t know where they got ‘em cos as far as I know gramma is Sundanese and grandpa is from Banjarmasin). And in their late years they still had this aura of beauty n handsomeness in their faces. They always looked good in every single picture. I can tell she’s really into fashion and I guess that’s where I got my passion for clothes n shoes. Heheh.
Another funny thing. Everytime I had serious illness (which is not rarely), I always dream of him. Sumtimes grandma, but mostly him. And I woke up in tears. Also there were times when I felt really sad for no reason, and the next thing I know I’m crying (not just a drop or two, but weep, sobbing, u know what I mean), I can almost feel his presence. Not in a spooky way. Its in a strangely comforting way.
Anyway I have a huge canvas picture of grandpa holding me when I was 1-and-a-half yo and we’re both dressed in white. Its on the corner of our study room, gathering dust as we speak. I’m planning on cleaning it and keep it somewhere more decent til I have my own place, where I’m taking it with me.
stopped scribbling at 8:49 PM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
valentine bloody valentine
My middle finger to every gosh darn female magazines that brainwashed us year after year after year into believing that February 14th would naturally be different from any other day. That it should be special and needed to be celebrated. Here’s another middle finger to you. It is already (almost) impossible for us women to have a man who is not emotionally-challenged, let alone hoping to score a decent valentine date, cause face it, the male has this annoying I’m-too-macho-for-this-shit-and-if-I-do-this-valentine-crap-my-friends-would-think-I’m-gay attitude and they’d rather face the havoc caused by the disappointed female than to browse for anything pink.
And the female, for once in a year, minimum, wished for him to turn gay and just fukin play along.
Boys, you know how girls are. They may say they don’t care, but they do. They may say its ok, but it isn’t. They might say that it’s stupid, when they actually want you to do those stupid things for her. And I’m one of them, guilty as charged. So bite me. I wanna see if they love me enough to do those stupid things for me.
I know there are no man in his right mind (except my last one, he’s an exception) would buy his women dozens of flowers n boxes of chocolates n nicely wrapped expensive gifts unless he’s feeling guilty of something (e.g humping her bff) and if I got one I should be suspicious, but fuck it, right now I just want my card, my mix tape n my peach babyroses!
stopped scribbling at 8:46 PM
